I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
So here I am, sexting at work.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
