my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
