You smell like stripper and shame
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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