but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
