I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
