I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
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