Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
The struggles of a small town man whore
Terrible idea I love it
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
