you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Randomize
