I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I just want nice things and good sex
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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