Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
