What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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