oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
