well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
