considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
