i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
