that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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