i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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