My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
