I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
