people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
