Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
