I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Randomize
