so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
