I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
