I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
