After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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