He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
