please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
