I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
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