I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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