its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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