I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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