and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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