I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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