i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
You're like the curious george of whores
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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