You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
