everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
