His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
is this the sara with the beer cane?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
