I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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