Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
