I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
