Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
