ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Acid is not a monday night drug
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Randomize
