What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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