what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
