I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
