Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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