he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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