So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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