there's paper in my vomit.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
