I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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