he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
