carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
